It seems that most of the book clubs I have spoken to are made up of women in their 30’s to 40’s. Most are young mothers and I recall that when I was their age, I was always reading about motherhood, asking questions, and looking for any kind of information that would help me be a better mother.

In writing my memoir “Divine Betrayal” it became evident that my mother was not the ideal model for anyone. Mother’s mission was to serve Jesus and my father, as a mother she made sure that we did not stray from the teachings of the Bible. She read the Bible to us daily, and watched everything we did to make sure we didn’t sin. That was her duty. I always felt loved by Mother, but she was extra strict with my sister Dorothy, which was confusing to me. Not only did their personalities clash, but Dorothy was outgoing and friendly to everyone, she had an amazing sense of humor. Mother was sure that she was evil—she carried the “sins of her fathers.” Dorothy had been adopted, her birthmother had had her out of wedlock. When I became a mother I was sure that I did not want to be like my mother.

My teenage years were very restricted. I was often embarrassed and angry that Read the rest of this entry »

A frequent question I am asked at book clubs is “What kind of influence did your mother have on your adult life, for instance, what kind of wife were you?”

As I describe in my memoir Divine Betrayal, my mother did her best to become the “perfect wife” for my father. She lived to serve Jesus and she believed she could do this by being the “perfect” helpmate to her husband, the Reverend John Peter Kolenda.

For her this meant complete self-denial, long suffering, working day and night—she was totally enmeshed in my father’s work, and strove to become Read the rest of this entry »

I was at a discussion group a few days ago, and one of the participants said: “Poor people of the world are suffering, their lives are miserable, and we must do all we can to help them find happiness.” I spent a lot of time thinking about this and I am perplexed and disturbed by this typical American point of view. Here is my opinion:

I disagree that all poor people are “suffering and miserable.”  Yes, I am sure all poor people would love to have their situations improved, but I promise you that an improved situation does not Read the rest of this entry »

In my memoir, Divine Betrayal, Chapter 26, I write about Brazilian racial tensions vs. segregation in the U.S. during the 1950’s. Today, I would like to contrast the attitudes of these two very similar Nations.

The history of Brazil is similar to ours. Brazil was discovered in 1500 by Pedro Alvares Cabral from Portugal; America was discovered in 1492 by Christopher Columbus who sailed for Spain. Both countries are in the western hemisphere and both countries attained their independence within 50 years of each other. Both nations have populations made up of the native inhabitants, European immigrants and African slaves and later on, Asian migrants. However, the population makeup and racial attitudes today are very different from each other. In a recent article in The Economist, titled “Brazil Takes Off” John Prideaux, the author says: “there is no such thing as a hyphenated Brazilian.” In other words, you will not find an African-Brazilian, or Italian-Brazilian. All Brazilians are simply proud to be Brazilians.

Graceann Deters and a Brazilian Friend

So, you may ask, “is there no racial tension or prejudice in Brazil?” The answer is yes, but it a different than the U.S.A. I will explain how these differences have occurred.

Firstly, many African slaves were brought to Brazil. Depending on which book you read, the estimate ranges between 3.6 and 4.5 million slaves who were brought to Brazil after 1550. America imported 645,000 African slaves. Brazilian slaves were freed in 1880 and today Brazil has the second largest black population in the world, next to Nigeria.

My point is this, unlike the U.S., Brazilian slaves were encouraged to bring their culture with them such as their songs, musical instruments, dance, religion etc… They were also encouraged to intermarry with the Indians, Portuguese, and other immigrants. This resulted in some very unique cultural events found only in Brazil. For instance the religion “Condomble” is the mixture of Catholicism and African religions. There are several names for this mixture, depending on which city you live in. For instance, in Florianopolis, my home town, it is known mainly as Macumba. On New Years Eve there is a beautiful celebration where the congregants dress in white, take home-made boats filled with flowers to the beaches, and launch them into the ocean as they throw more flowers into the water in honor of the goddess of the Sea “Iemanja.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Recently my husband and I visited the largest Rio favela called “Rocinha.” We went there just two weeks after there had been a large drug war, with police intervention in which many people were killed. We rode in an open jeep with a young man and women who arranged our tour. They were able to get permission from the drugs lords for our visit.

Rocinha means “little ranch” and it was started in the 1920’s. It is hard to get an accurate count of the number of people who live in this 0.80 square mile area but it is estimated to be 150,000 to 200,000. The houses are very interesting. They may be as tall as 6, 9 and even 11 stories high. This occurs because as their children marry, the parents build another story to their house. 

When they need electricity, they simple connect a wire from their house to the nearest electric pole, without asking permission or hiring an electrician.

This slum was surprisingly well organized; a city in itself and governed by drug dealers. We had the feeling of being watched but Read the rest of this entry »

Though I find it hard to believe that Brazil is finally going to host the Summer Olympic Games in 2016, I am thrilled at this news and have heard from many Brazilian friends who share my excitement.

It’s unbelievable to me that no South American city has ever hosted the Summer Olympic Games. I am sure that all South Americans share in Brazil’s pride and they are hopeful that, in the future, they will have the same opportunity and honor.

This accomplishment will tell you how much Brazil has progressed since I was a young girl growing up in Florianopolis. In my adult life, I try to visit Brazil about every five years. I am always impressed by the progress. My Brazilian family, who had been very poor in the 40’s and 50’s, had never dreamt of having financial security or attaining social status, but today most Brazilians live in beautiful homes and own one or two automobiles. Twenty years ago I visited a cousin in Brasilia and saw his beautiful home with a swimming pool in the back yard and several newer cars in the driveway. Brazil has a growing middle class and the standard of living is escalating.

Of course, there is still poverty. The favelas (slums) of Rio de Janeiro are plainly visible from the luxurious hotels of Copacabana and Ipanema. I will blog later telling of life in the favelas.

The most common question I am asked now is: “Will Rio de Janeiro be safe for the tourists during the Olympics?” Many people tell me stories of recent visits and how they Read the rest of this entry »

Planning to travel to Brazil anytime in the near future? Let’s say you plan to attend the 2014 World Soccer Tournament or the Olympics in 2016, then this little known Brazilian phrase will certainly interest you, or it should anyway. I highly recommend that you understand it, accept it, and if given the chance, you should definitely use it. The phrase I am referring to is: “Da um jeitinho.” Loosely translated, this means: “find a little way.”

I will explain its importance and how it really works.

Firstly, in North America “jeitinho” would be considered bribery and some may find this difficult to accept. In Brazil it is an accepted way of getting things done, both in business and in one’s everyday life.

It is important to remember that in Brazil, Read the rest of this entry »

During the process of writing Divine Betrayal, I became aware that some of my family would disapprove of my story, but I had no idea it would be displayed with such fervor.

I sent two review copies (galleys) to two cousins. One cousin who was the closest to me refused to comment on anything she read. A few days later I received a telephone call from the second cousin who in a very sweet voice, said, “Thank you for sending me your book, but….” She went on to question places, dates, the facts of my memory, and my feelings. At one point she said: “I don’t remember you being sad or depressed during that time.”

I found myself feeling the need to justify my feelings—feelings that she would never have known or suspected. I had to explain to my cousin that different people will remember an incident in different ways and each person will tell a story differently. This doesn’t make it right or wrong Read the rest of this entry »

In the past three months I have received several e-mails and letters from Missionary Kids and Preacher Kids, who are now grown up and on their own.

The messages of their letters were very similar. First, they enjoyed reading Divine Betrayal, and were able to identify with my story. Second, MK’s and PK’s felt that I was very courageous to have written my story and several wished they could do the same but still were unable to handle the criticism, mainly from family and friends who were still intolerant fundamentalists. And all of these MK’s and PK’s asked me not to give their names, as most everyone they were close to did not know their true feelings and adult religious beliefs.

This made me feel very sad but I also understand where they are coming from. As an MK (or PK), we are under a lot of pressure to conform to the establishment, to think like our parents and the church—no exceptions.

Near the end of writing Divine Betrayal, I had to stop Read the rest of this entry »

A few days ago I attended a social gathering in our village. A gentleman who is also a writer, he has not yet published a book but dreams of someday becoming a known author, approached me. His comment was: “How is your book selling?”

I answered: “Very well, thank you, sales are slowing down a little now and I know I have to get out and do some more promotions.”

His reply was: “Do you mean that all your relatives have their copy and there is no one else who wants it?”

My answer was: “No, I have not sold one copy to any of my relatives, and I sent four free copies to cousins, who completely rejected my book.” He smiled, as if he did not believe me and walked away.

How do I interpret his comments? It hurt me at first, I even became angry at his sarcasm, but then had to remind myself that maybe he was experiencing some jealousy in the fact that I am published and I am sure he has heard the positive remarks about Divine Betrayal from mutual friends. This must cause some pain for him. I was able to quickly get over my anger.