Praying for my Doll

Posted in Excerpts at 02:31 pm by admin


Gracie and Dorothy on Car Bumper – 1936

Gracie and Dorothy on Car Bumper - 1936

But she (my sister) didn’t know that I had covered all bases -I’d asked Santa Claus, too. “And Santa Claus doesn’t need money,” I told Dorothy smugly.

“You mean he wouldn’t need money,” Dorothy said, “if he existed.  Which he doesn’t”

Dear Jesus, I hollered at the top of my lungs that night.  Please help Dorothy believe in Santa Claus as I do!  Please make her be nicer to me!  Please let me have the baby doll for Christmas.  I promise to be even better, to obey and follow in your footsteps. With my throat sore from shouting, I felt satisfied and confident. I knew Jesus was on my side.

“Graceann,” Mother said the next morning as she set my plate of eggs in front of me on the kitchen table,  “you needn’t shout your prayers at night.  It’s simply not pious.  The Lord can hear you plenty fine without such a racket.”

Graceann’s Comments

I made a point of covering all bases.  I asked Mom and Dad for the special doll for Christmas, made sure Dorothy knew about it, told Santa Claus, asked Jesus for the doll, but just in case,  I yelled my prayer so that Mother would be sure to hear it.  This was not unusual for me to use prayer in this way.  Years later I wanted a certain bible, and knelt down next to a lady in church and prayed to Jesus just loud enough for her to hear my sincere need of a new Bible.  The next Sunday she gave me a beautifully wrapped Bible, just the one I had prayed for.  This type of prayer worked for me in several other instances, and in a way it was manipulative.  I did not see it that way, but now I do.

3 Responses to “Praying for my Doll”

  1. Carol Welch Says:

    Hi Graceann,

    I found my way here via a “Vibrant Nation” blog regarding memoir. To my surprise, your memoir appears to involve abusive religion. I hope that term doesn’t offend. And I may be off a bit by using the term, as I’ve not thoroughly read through your site.

    When I read the above entry, it brought me a chuckle. I don’t think of it so much as you being manipulative, but rather you being intelligent. Kids can figure out ways to get their needs met, or get what they want.

    I enjoyed this snippet.

    I’m gonna look around a bit more.

    Thanks for the blog and for speaking your truth!!

    ~carol welch

  2. Hallquist Says:

    Please, can you email me and tell me few more things about this, I am really fan of your webblog! recently subscribed to your rss. Would you be be open to exchanging blog roll Thanks again for sharing this online. I certainly enjoyed every bit of it.

  3. admin Says:

    I write a lot about this in my book Divine Betrayal. You can contact me at Graceann@DivineBetrayal.com

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